As embarrassing as this story is I’m posting it on here for sheer comic value. I was going through my old computers the other day and found this story which I had forgotten about. During its original writing a few years ago I had poured my heart into it for a girl. You will assume I’m talking about her in the first part however the first part was actually from a different story involving my experiences with smoking Salvia.
Reading over it again and noticing all the errors and stuff I just want to rewrite it but, I am posting it in its original unedited form so be aware it’s not pretty.
Enjoy,
I laid back; I let her essence fill me. She grabbed me, slowly at first and then, with such speed, taking complete control of my body. I closed my eyes for what seemed like hours. When I finally opened them; I could see that the world was beautiful again. She grabbed ahold my hand and pulled me up from the floor. She walked me to the door, and led me outside. I could see the sun was just rising.
She was incredibly beautiful, blue eyes that looking deeply into them, you could see into her very soul. As she grasped my hand, I could feel her taking control of my mind. I knew then that what ever she wanted, I would do for her, even though we had never met before.
She never spoke, and yet I heard everything she said. I knew now that I would never leave her side, I would follow her to the end. She had complete control of both my body and my mind; both of what I do and why.
We began walking toward the rising sun, never talking, never stopping. Hours had passed, and still we walked. This field was so vast, it was incredibly bare. There were no animals no life, it was as if we were walking through empitiness.
Suddenly, out in the distance I could see trees, they appeared out of nowhere, and as we got closer to them, she began to loosen her grip on my hand. And it was only when we got to the entrance of the woods, did she finally let go. We both stopped, and she turned and whispered into my ear:
“If you follow me, you’ll never feel my soft touch, you’ll never taste my sweet kiss, you’ll never hear my beautiful voice, you’ll never see me again. I’m your creation, your beauty, your masterpiece. I can be your fantasy and your love.”
She leaned in; our lips were mere inches from each other, she stepped back from me and spoke again.
“But, I can also be what you fear. Remember, you need to let go of your mind, and admit your mortality. Then you’ll be able to die, and be with me again.”
And with that, she turned and walked into the woods, fading, until finally disappearing.
I collapsed, not from being hurt. But, from mental and physical exhaustion. That first night, I slept but didn’t dream. It was when I awoke, I felt the hurt of losing her. She had taken me to a point were the only thing that mattered was her, and now that she was gone, I had no reason to turn back and walk home, yet I had no reason to stay.
I was stuck in this field she had led me to. During the day I would walk through the field., and night after agonizing night, when I slept, I would dream I was standing over my body, I would look down at myself. I would see my twisted, broken, and dead body. He lies there in my old room and I can’t, no I will not return to him, he is dead. I want to live forever, I do not want to die. I would finally awake in the morning, the sun would just be rising. I would lay on the ground the cool breeze of night would be fading away and the sun would start to warm the air.
One day, as I was laying on the ground, I looked into the empty sky and spoke to God:
“Why do I deserve this God! Are you so merciful to leave your child in this field? Can you really lead me into this happiness you call heaven? I ask of you, show me the way to your grace! And the way to find my love again!”
I awaited an answer and recieved what I expected, nothing.
“I ask again God! Where do I go to complete this journey and complete my life!”
Still, Nothing.
“I reject you God, and your mercy!”
With that I spit onto the ground and ran into the woods, I was going to find her, and my happiness.
The woods were dark and the trees so dense. I didn’t know were I was, but, my intent kept me going. I walked for days, never sleeping. Why should I sleep? To have my death confront me again every night! Never! I will walk until my feet are bleeding and then I will crawl.
Intent never wears out, but, your body does. By the fifth day I collapsed by an old tree. The sweat in my eyes had blurred the world. As I looked up at the sky peeking through the upper branches of the trees, I saw a beam of light move from my chest into my eyes and stop. A man appeared beside me and I could hear his voice but, I couldn’t respond.
“Sir, can you hear me?”
He checked my heart, which was still beating.
“Hey! We have one still alive over here!”
I blacked out, but, I could still hear? Is that weird? They mentioned this widespread infection that was killing thousands of people. The next thing I remember was waking up here in the hospital.
“Are you sure you don’t remember anything else?” He asked me scribbling onto a little notepad.
“I’m sure, If I remember anything else I’ll tell you.”
“Okay, I’ll be leaving then.” He said standing up and walking to the door. “One more thing, you’re awfully lucky. Out of all the people with the infection, you’re the only one to still be alive. If it wasn’t for them finding you in time, and that machine over there you would be dead right now.” with that he turned and left.
I looked over at the machine he pointed at, it seemed to be controlling my heart or something.
I closed my eyes and thought about her again, about what she told me before she left.
“…Remember, you need to let go of your mind, and admit your mortality. Then you’ll be able to die, and be with me again.”
I continued to stare at the machine, thinking about her. The more she ran through my mind the more I wanted to turn the machine off and reunite with her again. Slowly in my mind I admited my death, I didn’t need to be here. I loved her, she was my happiness, she was my world. If she wanted me to die, I should just let go. I reached over; my hand was on the power button. The nurse walked in, and I immediatly drew my hand back before she noticed what I was doing. She walked over to my bed and asked how my day was.
“I’m alright.” I responded, I laid back and closed my eyes.
I never saw her, I had my eyes closed, I don’t know why, maybe because I was disapointed in having my plan stalled for a few minutes. When I heard her voice though, she sounded really sweet. As she leaned over to fix my pillow, I noticed her name tag, “Hannah.” I said it out loud as if I was trying to pronounce it.
“Yes?” She responded.
“Wow, that’s a beautiful name.”
She laughed, and quickly marked something on a chart and left the room.
Now, that she was gone I could continue, I reached over and quickly pressed the power button. I could hear the alarm going off, but, by the time Hannah had come back, I felt my body slowly fading away.
It was as if time had slowed down though, I could see Hannah running into the room. When I caught a glimpse of her, I knew I had made a mistake. Hannah was so much more beautiful than the girl I was so intent on seeing. She wasn’t too tall but, I wanted to be with her, I didn’t want to die. It was weird, for a second I felt like I wasn’t. But, then I felt my eye lids becoming heavy, I just had to close them. When I did, I couldn’t open them again. I quickly drifted off into nothingness.
