The book I am working on is several fold, it is romantic, it is spiritual, and it is full of twists and turns that will leave the reader not sure what to expect next. It is also a story of my life, a memoir of everything I have experienced and where I strive to be in the future. What you should expect in the next few weeks is a few excerpts from the book, though of course they may be taken completely out in the final draft. I am not sure if it will be completed as I have announced books before so I am not setting myself up a deadline. I will say this, it should be expected out sometime next year if not sooner or later seeing how much I decide to write in the next few months. I am sure it will be something everybody is going to enjoy and I can’t wait until I see it in its hardcover published form. I will continue to update as I progress so stick around!

Peace!

Andrew Tijeirna

There is no denying that people have long turned to myths to describe various issues affecting them. But, hasn’t it come to a point where we should move past outdated beliefs?

Obviously, this is not the case as religion continues fighting against topics such as teaching Evolution in the class room.

This is what ultimately bothers me, I believe that Evolution is truth and that the world is older than ten thousand years; in school I was criticized and harassed. It all started when we began to study the subject in school that I noticed how irrational my fellow classmates behaved. Several times my supposed science teacher became highly irate, ripping a magazine out of my hand on one occasion while I was reading an article on the subject.

Seeing as how I live in Texas, I firmly believe there is no legitimate education you get this far deep in the South. They still cling to the invisible God in the sky and the only thing I learned, looking back at it now. Religion creates people that strive for conflict by giving them ideals they are not able to achieve, frustrating them. That is exactly what I got through my years at Rusk High School was conflict.

It did leave me wondering, if you are a science teacher, then you should teach science not religion. There should be a class for religious studies but this should be a separate elective class. Is it possible that maybe i have become a little more bitchy about the whole topic? Well, of course I have! You cant deny that when you walk into a modern day church you see large flat screens and the preacher is speaking all his prayers through loud speakers. There is something really fucked up about the fact we continue this science versus religion debate and its going to be a long time still before we see the shift to for evidence based theories.

Reading over it again and noticing all the errors and stuff I just want to rewrite it but, I am posting it in its original unedited form so be aware it’s not pretty.

Enjoy,

I laid back; I let her essence fill me. She grabbed me, slowly at first and then, with such speed, taking complete control of my body. I closed my eyes for what seemed like hours. When I finally opened them; I could see that the world was beautiful again. She grabbed ahold my hand and pulled me up from the floor. She walked me to the door, and led me outside. I could see the sun was just rising.

She was incredibly beautiful, blue eyes that looking deeply into them, you could see into her very soul. As she grasped my hand, I could feel her taking control of my mind. I knew then that what ever she wanted, I would do for her, even though we had never met before.

She never spoke, and yet I heard everything she said. I knew now that I would never leave her side, I would follow her to the end. She had complete control of both my body and my mind; both of what I do and why.

We began walking toward the rising sun, never talking, never stopping. Hours had passed, and still we walked. This field was so vast, it was incredibly bare. There were no animals no life, it was as if we were walking through empitiness.

Suddenly, out in the distance I could see trees, they appeared out of nowhere, and as we got closer to them, she began to loosen her grip on my hand. And it was only when we got to the entrance of the woods, did she finally let go. We both stopped, and she turned and whispered into my ear:

“If you follow me, you’ll never feel my soft touch, you’ll never taste my sweet kiss, you’ll never hear my beautiful voice, you’ll never see me again. I’m your creation, your beauty, your masterpiece. I can be your fantasy and your love.”

She leaned in; our lips were mere inches from each other, she stepped back from me and spoke again.

“But, I can also be what you fear. Remember, you need to let go of your mind, and admit your mortality. Then you’ll be able to die, and be with me again.”

And with that, she turned and walked into the woods, fading, until finally disappearing.

I collapsed, not from being hurt. But, from mental and physical exhaustion. That first night, I slept but didn’t dream. It was when I awoke, I felt the hurt of losing her. She had taken me to a point were the only thing that mattered was her, and now that she was gone, I had no reason to turn back and walk home, yet I had no reason to stay.

I was stuck in this field she had led me to. During the day I would walk through the field., and night after agonizing night, when I slept, I would dream I was standing over my body, I would look down at myself. I would see my twisted, broken, and dead body. He lies there in my old room and I can’t, no I will not return to him, he is dead. I want to live forever, I do not want to die. I would finally awake in the morning, the sun would just be rising. I would lay on the ground the cool breeze of night would be fading away and the sun would start to warm the air.

One day, as I was laying on the ground, I looked into the empty sky and spoke to God:

“Why do I deserve this God! Are you so merciful to leave your child in this field? Can you really lead me into this happiness you call heaven? I ask of you, show me the way to your grace! And the way to find my love again!”

I awaited an answer and recieved what I expected, nothing.

“I ask again God! Where do I go to complete this journey and complete my life!”

Still, Nothing.

“I reject you God, and your mercy!”

With that I spit onto the ground and ran into the woods, I was going to find her, and my happiness.

The woods were dark and the trees so dense. I didn’t know were I was, but, my intent kept me going. I walked for days, never sleeping. Why should I sleep? To have my death confront me again every night! Never! I will walk until my feet are bleeding and then I will crawl.

Intent never wears out, but, your body does. By the fifth day I collapsed by an old tree. The sweat in my eyes had blurred the world. As I looked up at the sky peeking through the upper branches of the trees, I saw a beam of light move from my chest into my eyes and stop. A man appeared beside me and I could hear his voice but, I couldn’t respond.

“Sir, can you hear me?”

He checked my heart, which was still beating.

“Hey! We have one still alive over here!”

I blacked out, but, I could still hear? Is that weird? They mentioned this widespread infection that was killing thousands of people. The next thing I remember was waking up here in the hospital.

“Are you sure you don’t remember anything else?” He asked me scribbling onto a little notepad.

“I’m sure, If I remember anything else I’ll tell you.”

“Okay, I’ll be leaving then.” He said standing up and walking to the door. “One more thing, you’re awfully lucky. Out of all the people with the infection, you’re the only one to still be alive. If it wasn’t for them finding you in time, and that machine over there you would be dead right now.” with that he turned and left.

I looked over at the machine he pointed at, it seemed to be controlling my heart or something.

I closed my eyes and thought about her again, about what she told me before she left.

“…Remember, you need to let go of your mind, and admit your mortality. Then you’ll be able to die, and be with me again.”

I continued to stare at the machine, thinking about her. The more she ran through my mind the more I wanted to turn the machine off and reunite with her again. Slowly in my mind I admited my death, I didn’t need to be here. I loved her, she was my happiness, she was my world. If she wanted me to die, I should just let go. I reached over; my hand was on the power button. The nurse walked in, and I immediatly drew my hand back before she noticed what I was doing. She walked over to my bed and asked how my day was.

“I’m alright.” I responded, I laid back and closed my eyes.

I never saw her, I had my eyes closed, I don’t know why, maybe because I was disapointed in having my plan stalled for a few minutes. When I heard her voice though, she sounded really sweet. As she leaned over to fix my pillow, I noticed her name tag, “Hannah.” I said it out loud as if I was trying to pronounce it.

“Yes?” She responded.

“Wow, that’s a beautiful name.”

She laughed, and quickly marked something on a chart and left the room.

Now, that she was gone I could continue, I reached over and quickly pressed the power button. I could hear the alarm going off, but, by the time Hannah had come back, I felt my body slowly fading away.

It was as if time had slowed down though, I could see Hannah running into the room. When I caught a glimpse of her, I knew I had made a mistake. Hannah was so much more beautiful than the girl I was so intent on seeing. She wasn’t too tall but, I wanted to be with her, I didn’t want to die. It was weird, for a second I felt like I wasn’t. But, then I felt my eye lids becoming heavy, I just had to close them. When I did, I couldn’t open them again. I quickly drifted off into nothingness.

When we got to Miami I spent most of my time exploring the beach during the day walking down to a park on the south tip of south beach and taking pictures. On one occasion I got stuck in the Art Deco and Martin Luther King 3 day weekend madness. There was nothing but street performers, topless women, and a man dressed as a bull that would charge at people in the crowded streets.

I also visited Viscaya Gardens which was eerie since it was winter and the flowers were not in bloom. However, the pictures i took were amazing when viewed as such. I would love to go back to Viscaya when the gardens are in full bloom. You will notice on my homepage a selection of a few of my favorite pics from Viscaya Gardens, you can also visit my Flickr page here.

I even came across what I am sure was an authentic Cuban cigar, not my first but if I was to take up smoking again it would have to be strictly Cuban cigars. Fidel Castro smokes several a day an he is how old now? I spent the night sipping on Disaronno puffing on my cigar and watching the world go by.

I would love to go back to Miami, at times it seemed crowded and the prices where outrageous! You pay 20 dollars for parking here, 20 dollars at a Hotel and heaven forbid you decide to go exploring the town in your car because there is another 20 dollars! Walking was definitely the best way to get around the only problem is the beggars and aspiring rappers who sell their music and possibly some good blow or Jamaican weed, and yes I was actually asked by a guy who told me his music was a Bob Marley/Gangsta Rap fusion and that if I wanted he could get me some high quality skunk.

All in all it was an amazing experience, I would love to go back to Miami if I had the chance and the money to do during spring break to photograph the madness that ensues on a week like that.

Dark words to bring you down

Atop your head a thorned crown

Shadowed halls to the abyss

Mans curiosity led to this

~

Delusions amid mans sorrow

In which gods footsteps do you follow?

Bleed out to let you see…

What God can He be?

Though an issue with that occurs because suddenly we never live up to this ideal leaving us deluding reality to the point of justifying what is right and what is wrong, and committing unthinkable acts of violence in the name of Religion.

If there was this new faith, determined to become that ultimate word is only capable of understanding a little about our true existence. What is truth is only reliant on what can be cherry picked from other ideals because it is easier to conform to the masses. If it was too radical people would be turned off, and the church would have not gained the following it did. Even before Christianity similar rituals existed. Other faiths have evolved from the Christian roots, a perfect example is driving down any neighborhood and seeing tons of different Churches all with their own spiritual bent.

I am not a religious person for that reason, conforming to a strict doctrine of ideals based on myths and legends instead of formulating your life on scientific observations is madness. Yet, religion continues to exist because of a very simple reason, it’s more entertaining! Of course, science is often boring and drab, leaving wonderful literary stories involving talking snakes and sinful apples a more enlightening and entertaining story.

Are people who suffer from a mental illness a computer glitch in this supposed reality simulating super computer? If so do they reveal certain elements in the design of the super computer in their delusions? Perhaps I am being a bit sarcastic, what I am interested in is the idea of a super computer being able to process self awareness in an analog such as a human brain.

We are currently not capable of producing anywhere near the functioning of a human brain with our current technology. Why is this important to mention? Because the ability of a computer to mimic brain functioning is paramount to this idea. For one, we will in the distant future have computers capable of mimicking the brain. The technology is quantum computers, if you are unfamiliar with what these are I would suggest researching them on YouTube or Google.

What is important is that quantum computers function on a whole new level, the individual atom. They are capable of the binary numbers 1 & 0 and a superimposed 1 & 0 all on an atomic level.

This would give us the power needed to create a simulated reality for our Brain in the Vat Theory. The technology is still several decades away and even further before it reaches the potential for our purposes. What I would like to move onto next is my own theory, which attempts to disprove the possibility we are all living in a simulated reality.

First, if we are moving forward in producing a computer capable of simulating reality in the next several decades and we supposedly live in a simulated reality then what we would produce is also simulated, contradicting itself. It ends up producing a reality housed inside of a more apparent reality, the true  ”Brain Vat Reality” (BVR).

What is created is a simulated reality deeper inside of the supposed BVR we are currently in. Viewing reality from the perspective of the individual, leaves the individual to perceive what is reality, unaware of the BVR.

Of course there are several problems with my theory. First, we do not have the technology currently to produce a simulated reality and its still a very rocky road for quantum computers that may still be 100 years away if not more. This leads me to my next argument

Second, in the case of a supposed individual who commits suicide, is his/her suicide a simulation in the BVR? If my first argument was correct, then the individual would not cease to exist but move into a different reality, the BVR. If my first argument was wrong, then the supposed reality simulated by a brain inside of a vat does not exist because the individual committed suicide.

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